The Rules of Love #85

Extracted from the book, The Rules of Love.

Rule 85: There are no rules.

I've got this friend, a very dear friend indeed, but he has one trait that used to irritate me hugely: he's utterly unreliable. He turns up late or not at all, and then suddenly he'll arrive out of the blue with no warning. He says he's coming for a night and stops an hour, or says he's only got an hour and then stays a week. This suits his lifestyle perfectly - he lives in a camper van and travels at whim - but it doesn't always suit mine.

A few years back he did something or other, I forget what, that just wound me up. I wasn't in the mood that say to have him cancel at the last minute, or whatever it was. I started thinking that maybe it was time I just cut him out of my life. Not rudely, but just stopped making effort. I said as much to my wife. She responded by asking me what it was that I liked about him; why I'd chosen to have him as a close friend for so long. I replied that it was the fact that he was wild and free and lived in the moment. He represented all the things that I fantasized about being, but couldn't because they weren't compatible with a life of family and responsibility. I wanted the life I'd got, but that didn't stop me from dreaming about the alternative.

My wife then asked me how on earth I expected someone wild and free and always living in the moment to be conscientious about booking visits in advance and staying for the allotted time. I got cross with her for a bit, because it made me feel better, but of course she was right. I was irritated because he was getting with it and I couldn't. But deep down, I don't really want to live his life. I just like to imagine that I could.

Ever since then, I've found that when my friend behaves entirely in character and throws my arrangements out, I can smile and think to myself, 'Never predictable. That's what I love about him.'

The point is that your friends are who they are - you have to take 'em or leave 'em as they come. You can't ask them to change. What would be the point in that? If you love them, stay friends and put up with their foibles. As with my friend, their faults are probably the flipside of what you love them for. In any case, they come as a package. You wouldn't thank your friends for asking you to change.

Goodness knows the world is full enough of people to choose from. If this friend really does nothing for you, quietly withdraw from the friendship. But there are no Rules that say friends have to do this or that, have to behave in certain ways, are expected to fulfil particular conditions. So don't ever catch yourself thinking your friends ought to do this or that. The only thing they ought to do is to be themselves, and then you can choose whether that's someone you want as a friend.

YOUR FRIENDS ARE WHO THEY ARE - YOU HAVE TO TAKE 'EM OR LEAVE 'EM.

Roger & Sheila

After a long day in heels, I seriously do not wish to stand idly at the bus stop for 20 minutes. So this justifies cabbing home from the MRT.

No queue.
Boarded a cab.
The cabby uncle's voice sounded familiar.

Me: Uncle, I think I've taken your cab before.

Cabby Uncle: Really? Uncle old man already, I'm already 71 years old. Sorry, uncle cannot remember you.

Me: It's ok, uncle. I remembered you have a wife, right?

Cabby Uncle: Everyone has an old lady, right?

Me, feeling silly, laughs: True, but you've got a lovely wife. It's Valentine's Day tomorrow, so is the old man buying flowers for the old lady?

Cabby Uncle, grins: Of course. She is unique. One and only one. She loves flowers and chocolates.

Me: Roses are expensive on Valentine's Day.

Cabby Uncle: But old lady like ma... I'll get her carnations.

Me: Aren't carnations meant for mommies?

Cabbly Uncle, laughs: It is the thought that counts. I do buy her flowers now and then, need not only be on Valentine's Day, you know?

Me: Awww... So are you bringing old lady to anywhere tomorrow?

Cabby Uncle: No la, old lady cannot walk. Doctor says she's got acute arthritis.

Me: Ok, it's all right, she has got old man to look out for her. I'm sure you'll take good care of her.

Reached my house.

Uncle: Wait for your change.

Me, smiles: It's ok, uncle. I'll contribute to your chocolates and flowers fund.

Cabby Uncle: Oh... thank you so much. I'll tell Sheila that I've met an angel tonight. God bless you.